17 Aug

We were having an EMS picnic and I was taking different kinds of dips. I brought a couple generics, like ranch, blue cheese and thousand island. But I also made a tuna fish salad. This dip had mayo, and finely chopped chives, thin sliced celery, a little garlic with some celery salt and a few other things. But because it was an EMS party, and we are just weird anyway, I formed this tuna salad into the shape of a dead body as you would see one lying on the pavement. Its’ arms and legs were skewed at odd angles so there was no mistaking the ‘dead body’ness  of it.

The picnic went well. Ems, fire and PD who were on duty were invited to swing by and grab a bite. Those of us off duty mingled and leisurely enjoyed our afternoon. The picnic was held in an old hangar that we used as our truck bay. It was warm and we had big hurricane fans blowing the hot air around.

About an hour before the picnic ended, an on duty officer we knew who had been visiting with us got a call. He said it was probably bogus because the caller said he had been shot ‘over and over and over’ by a perp who was no longer in the house, and if he were shot that many times he should be dead.  The cop grabbed an extra croissant as he rolled his eyes and headed to his vehicle.

At the end, everyone helped clean up and took the rest of their food, or their empty dishes, home with them.

I was the last one to leave. I was finishing gathering my dishes and piling them into the back of the ambulance I was using. I had put the last of my tuna salad, now just a partial torso and legs, into the body bag on the stretcher with a twisted little giggle to myself. I walked back to the site of the picnic to put up tables and chairs that were still up, when the officer who had to run off earlier came walking across the bay. We exchanged pleasantries and cut up a little, but he was acting a little distracted. He looked in the back of my truck and asked what was in the body bag. I chuckled as I told him and he looked at me as if skeptical.

He asked if he could take a look, I said sure but I didn’t think he would actually find a real dead body.

In the next moment he had his gun out and trained on my head as he yelled “Get down on the ground. Now!”  I immediately did as I was told. He put his gun away and cuffed me behind my back as he asked how my tuna salad magically turned into a dead baby.

They took me to the hospital to have me medically cleared to go to jail. But since everyone at the hospital knew me they talked the Sheriff’s Office into letting me stay there for a couple nights. They left the ems report with me for the dead baby. ‘Accidentally’ of course.  Caroline was her name.  I poured through those papers, positive that at any moment someone was going to come in and snatch it away from me, taking with it the only opportunity I may ever have to clear my name and find out who took this sweet child’s life.


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