All For Naught?

17 Aug

When we find ourselves in a situation we feel we cannot control, as humans, one of two things occur. We either stand our ground and fight or we turn and run, these of course being more metaphor than literal action much of the time. But what we fail to realize during most of these confrontations is we form patterns in our behavior relating to specific situations that become ingrained and serve as a baseline for how we perceive and react to other, possibly completely unrelated circumstances.

It is only when it is pointed out to us that we see how deeply these patterns affect us on a daily basis.

I have been ‘fighting’ several battles within myself for a number of years. It was only when someone held up a mirror to my actions and led me by the hand, step-by-step through my ‘fights’ that it was made clear to me, what I believed was fighting was actually a form of retreat in order to protect myself. I then proceeded to take the necessary steps to confront my fears and reverse the effects of my actions on my life.

It has not been an easy road. Much of the time I felt these steps were too painful and wanted to throw in the towel. But a good friend kept me on track and helped me through it. I’m not finished by any stretch of the imagination, but I had found a beautiful peace I didn’t know was possible.

But now, it amazes me how someone can put so much blood, sweat and tears into something they believe in, only to be struck down in a single blow. All the hard work, all the time spent seems to be a waste of time. I know it is not- but dammit it sure as hell feels like it right now.

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